


might as well

by regionals



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda, M/M, Multi, Open Relationships, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 18:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16918047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regionals/pseuds/regionals
Summary: As sunshine starts pouring into the bedroom, he takes a moment to appreciate how it reflects off of his lover's skin, making him look golden and warm and sort of like everything he never knew he wanted. He reaches out, letting his fingers trace over Josh's shoulder blade, finding patterns in his freckles. Tyler likes this. It reminds him that there were times where he couldn't always just reach out and touch him like this.





	might as well

**Author's Note:**

> i started this a long time ago and didnt finish it until now because hi im gay i guess?
> 
> edit: would also like to note that im pretty sure i plagiarized this oneshot in a different fic of mine so if u read any paragraphs from here (mainly the first few) that u recognize from another one of my oneshots then thats why
> 
> i plagiarize myself

Tyler's up early, which isn't unusual for him. He's always awake around the time the sun comes up, and since it's June right now, sun-up tends to start pretty early. As sunshine starts pouring into the bedroom, he takes a moment to appreciate how it reflects off of his lover's skin, making him look golden and warm and sort of like everything he never knew he wanted.

He reaches out, letting his fingers trace over Josh's shoulder blade, finding patterns in his freckles, which are only a little more noticeable since Josh has been working on his yearly tan for a few weeks now. Tyler likes this. It's a simple display of affection, and it reminds him that there were times where he couldn't always do this, couldn't always just reach out and touch him like this without fear of repercussion.

Tyler feels something warm and sweet spread across his chest when Josh moves a little bit, and turns his head, only opening one eye at him and smiling, saying, "Good morning, sunshine," in his gravelly morning voice.

"Good morning to you too." He smiles back down at him.

*

Tyler meets Josh at a weird time in his life. He's twenty and he's playing a show to one of the largest crowds he's ever seen. There's a few people singing along, almost everyone's dancing and having a good time, and Tyler even spots this _guy_ in the crowd. He's seen him around--mostly because they're both from Columbus, and both have some sort of reputation--and after he's done for the night, he makes it his mission to introduce himself to the guy.

It's also not as if Tyler doesn't know his name, because he does. He knows exactly who Josh Dun is, knows that he's an on again off again drummer for a handful of bands, and that he has a reputation for being _nice._ Tyler's sort of hoping that he's an asshole, just so he can hold that over people's head, the fact that he knows Josh Dun is secretly a garbage human being, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

Josh Dun is the nicest person Tyler's ever met. He's all smiles, and he compliments Tyler, tells him he did a freaking fabulous job up there, and that he'd totally be down to do some shows with him, and Tyler ends up going home with a new contact in his phone and a bashful little grin on his face.

*

Getting to know Josh is almost surreal when Tyler thinks about it. It's not like they're the same person, because they aren't, but they balance each other out. Whereas Tyler's all manic energy, wanting to get things done _now now now,_ Josh is cool, sort of calm, and not actually that collected. Josh likes to take his time doing things, and Tyler kind of likes to speed through life. When it comes down to it--they're a good match, and Tyler's well aware of that.

They don't agree about everything, and they have a lot of different opinions, but when they're in that stage of their friendship where they're getting to know each other, and learning boundaries, they have some pretty decent discussions, and for the first time in Tyler's life, he feels as if he's _really_ connected with someone.

*

There's a night a few months after the release of _Regional At Best_ where they get the luxury of staying in a shitty two star motel outside of Toledo.

They're up late, talking, because Tyler's still a little hopped up from the energy drink he had before the show that evening, and Josh can never bring himself to sleep before three in the morning anyways.

Tyler isn't really even sure how it happens. One second he's talking about how he broke his leg trying to sneak out when he was fifteen, and the next Josh is leaning over and kissing him and _alright_ Tyler's sort of enjoying this more than he thinks he should. He hasn't really made things with Jenna official yet, and he knows Josh has only gone on, like, two dates with Debby at this point in time, so he has no issue going along with it.

Eventually, they stop kissing each other.

They don't talk about it afterward, either.

*

It's winter in Ohio and they're sleeping in the back of the van. Admittedly, there's a handful of other men in the van with them, all basically freezing to death, but Tyler still finds himself wide awake. Naturally, in a van full of men, in the middle of winter, in Ohio, Josh chooses Tyler to cuddle on up to (for warmth, of course), and given that it's late and that no one else is watching, Tyler's able to let himself glance down towards his chest, where Josh's head is lying.

He's... curious, sort of. He knows what Josh looks like--they spend basically every minute together--but he's never really had the chance to openly stare at him like this. Josh looks nice like this, Tyler decides. He isn't frowning slightly like he usually is (his face always settles into a slight frown when he's not thinking about it) and he just looks so peaceful and relaxed and he looks twenty three for once in his life instead of years older than he is.

Tyler decides to try getting some shut-eye after Josh adjusts his position to where he's draping, like, half of his body on top of Tyler. He cuddles in his sleep and at the moment, Tyler's more than alright with it.

*

Tyler's sitting next to Josh when he breaks up with Debby the first time. Josh is the kind of guy who starts tearing up towards the end of the phone call, and Tyler's the kind of guy who tugs him over and gives him a hug.

Tyler's dated a few girls before Jenna, and, admittedly, they aren't exactly _exclusive,_ since they're hardly around each other in person now a days, and he's not stupid--he knows he doesn't want to be the rebound in _any_ relationship, but in the moment, he has no problem falling into bed with Josh, because Josh is just _Josh,_ sweet and kind Josh who smells like vanilla and cigarettes and sweat and lavender laundry detergent, who smells like _home;_ he's finally within reach, and Tyler feels like if he doesn't do this _now,_ then they never will.

Kind of like the few times they've kissed, they don't talk about it afterwards.

*

Touring with other bands is always a hit or miss, and Tyler really feels as if this time, it's a definite hit. It's nice when you're not surrounded by people you can't fucking stand. Aside from Josh, he does have a handful of people he tends to gravitate towards, and growing up being arguably _emo,_ he's not surprised that he gravitates towards the real life, living legend, Brendon Urie.

Brendon's... nice. Tyler tries his best not to seem like an overzealous fanboy the first few times they talk, and he manages it. At this point, he's far enough into his career that he's not nearly as obnoxious as he would've been at any other point in time, but he does look up to the dude.

Brendon's not as much of a crazy asshole as he makes himself out to be. The first time Tyler gets a chance to hang out with him is an off day during the _Save Rock And Roll_ arena tour, and Tyler's kind of not looking forward to it--he's expecting to get dragged to a club or something, but they wind up sitting in Brendon's hotel room splitting a bottle of cheap champagne and, well, _hanging out._

Tyler's on his third glass of champagne and he's loosening up a little bit by the time Brendon asks, "Are you gay, or bi, or something...?"

It's not as if Tyler hasn't been asked that before. He's not exactly the definition of masculinity, and the kids at his high school weren't exactly the nicest people around. He answers with his default answer anyways, though, and in his mind, he thinks he's telling the truth. "I'm straight. I have a girlfriend. You've _met_ her."

"So? You've met my wife, but that doesn't mean I haven't been boinking my bassist for the past two and a half years. Don't worry about it, by the way. Open relationship."

Tyler's a little... _shocked_ by that tidbit of trivia, to say the least, but he just shakes his head a little bit, and asks his own question. "Why would you even ask that?"

"Honestly? I kind of thought you and Josh were together. You guys are, ah... awful close." Brendon shrugs, and changes the song playing from his phone while Tyler answers him.

"We're not _together_." His answer is just a bit too quick and a bit too harsh. "We've been best friends for a long time, and we share a career together. It's only natural that we're _close."_

"I was just asking a question. Also... just because you have a girlfriend, doesn't mean you have to be straight, dude. Anyways, moving _on_ from that--"

*

Tyler sort of hates Brendon for planting that seed in his head-- _are you and Josh together? Are you gay?_

When he goes back to his own hotel room, the one he's sharing with Josh, he sleeps facing away from him. He doesn't care that he's uncomfortable sleeping on his right side, or that the stupid red lights on the analog clock are glaring at him--he's not letting any of those _thoughts_ ruin his life like that.

*

Tyler decides that he's definitely _straight_ the second he's back home in the condo he rents with Jenna. He isn't disgusted when he has sex with her, and he definitely _loves_ her, there's no doubt in his mind about that, so there's no possibility that he's gay or anything like that.

She's gentle about riding him into the mattress the first night he's home between tours. She caresses his face and smiles down at him, and she's the definition of everything pure and beautiful and, yeah, Tyler's pretty sure he's in love with her.

*

Christmas in 2013 is weird. Josh drops by Tyler's condo the day before, since Tyler's sort of throwing a small Christmas party, and since Josh is obviously invited.

There's a sprig of mistletoe taped up in the arch between Tyler's kitchen and the hallway that leads into the laundry room and garage. Tyler's refilling his eggnog, because he's a little on edge, and he's about to walk back out of his kitchen when he sees Josh walking into the kitchen, probably to get a refill of his own drink.

Tyler smiles at him, because he always smiles at him when he walks into a room, and he mutters, "Lemme just... squeeze past ya here," on his way back to his living room so he can pretend he's a good host. (It's not as if everyone isn't occupied with other things, though.)

Josh grabs his arm though, gives him this mischievous little look, wiggles his eyebrows a few times, and nods upward a little bit. Tyler looks up, and, _oh._ It's the fucking mistletoe that Jenna taped up there. She did it as an excuse to steal kisses from Tyler, not for Tyler to steal kisses from his best friend, but when Tyler makes eye contact with the intentions of just saying, "Uh, yeah, _no,"_ he _can't._

He feels sort of like the wind got knocked out of him because Josh just looks so handsome with his scruff and his hair, which is messy and all over the place, and his ugly Christmas sweater, and, _God damn it,_ he finds himself putting a hand on the back of Josh's neck and pulling him into a kiss.

It's not a quick kiss either. It's a little clumsy and it's slow and Tyler can hear his heart in his ears. He only pulls away when he hears Jenna calling him into the living room, guilt coursing through his body. Josh looks almost as guilty when Tyler looks over his shoulder at him.

*

It's the middle of January and Tyler's had a few more not-so-platonic run-ins with Josh by now. He's panicking, and Tyler feels like if he does this, it'll stop all these weird fucked up feelings he's having for his best friend.

Tyler sends Josh a text, saying, _"I think I want to ask Jenna to marry me,"_ and it's conveniently a week after the two of them had gotten a little tipsy and fucked around together.

*

The next time Tyler talks to Josh in person after the _text_ , he can tell the man isn't happy. Josh still acts enthusiastic and he encourages Tyler and maybe Tyler was sort of hoping Josh would stop him, would tell him not to marry Jenna, but Josh doesn't do that because Josh knows it's not his _place_ to do that and Tyler's just a touch disappointed.

*

So. Tyler asks Jenna to marry him. It's a happy day and he's over the moon but when he's lying in bed that night something inside him gnaws at his gut, telling him that this isn't right, that it feels _wrong,_ but he chalks it up to his brain trying to play tricks on him because it's happened before.

*

It _doesn't_ stop all those weird 'fucked up feelings' he's feeling for his best friend. Sure, Tyler and Jenna launch right back into their honeymoon phase after he proposes to her, and sure, during those, like, few months, whatever feelings he has for Josh are dampened a little bit (a lot) and are on the back burner, but when it's Josh's twenty sixth birthday and they're sitting on the balcony of their hotel room in their underwear sharing Taco Bell and a few glasses of wine to celebrate, it just _hits_ him.

He feels fucking nervous.

Josh is talking about something, and he's smiling and pretty much pissing himself laughing, and Tyler realizes how fucking _cute_ he is. He waits until Josh is done with his joke before he's reaching to his right, taking Josh's chin between his index finger and his thumb, and just leading him into a kiss.

It's something soft and sweet and it leaves this fluttery feeling in his gut. Josh smiles something even softer and even sweeter as he pulls away, avoiding eye contact and opting to just take a bite of his taco. "Are you sure you should be kissing me like that...?" He mumbles around a mouthful of taco. "You're engaged."

Tyler shrugs, and gently swirls his glass, swishing the wine in it around. "I probably shouldn't." He can feel his heart in this throat right now; they've never actually _talked_ about any of this. "I just thought you looked nice."

Josh shrugs, and says, "Alright."

*

Jenna figures it out. She's smart and that's why Tyler even likes her in the first place. She figures it out and approaches him about it after spotting a few hickeys on his neck that she knows for a fact didn’t come from her, since she hasn’t seen him in a few months. They haven’t ever been completely exclusive, and she doesn’t feel _that_ mad about it, or that upset, but she’s a little peeved about it, because part of their agreement was that if they were going to sleep with someone else, then they were going to at least talk about it, or give the other a heads up.

She waits to approach him until she’s helping him unpack his suitcase, once he gets home from the last round of touring of the Vessel album cycle. She steps up to him and brushes her thumb across the hickey, finding herself admiring how pretty it looks against his tan skin, and asks, “Who gave you the hickey?”

Tyler lies. When he tells the truth, he doesn’t elaborate and he doesn’t give her a story. She’s been with him since she was eighteen—she knows when he lies. He goes off on a bit of a tangent, saying that he met this girl at a club in some city he was in a few weeks ago, and that she gave him a hickey even when he asked her not to, and she winds up just interupting him a few sentences later.

“Why are you _lying?_ You don’t need to give me some huge explanation, Ty-dye.” She laughs a little bit and shakes her head in the way she does when she’s confused. “Who gave you the hickey?”

Tyler falters, hesitates, and his expression changes. He’s not lying this time, but she knows he’s not telling the entire truth. “Someone that I slept with.”

“Okay.” She motions for him to go on. “Give me a name. And maybe tell me why you didn’t talk to me about it first.”

“Um…” His right eye twitches a little bit and he steps back from her. “Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad.”

“I, um… Slept with another guy.” His voice is quiet and his body language makes him look so small, and, _oh._

“You’re not gay, are you?”

He shakes his head. “No, no. I’m not.” He has his hands out as he steps closer to her again, placing them on her arms, and rubbing them up and down. “I’m pretty sure that I’m bi, alright? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t—I didn’t know how you’d react.” He kisses her, nice and gentle and quick. “I met this guy awhile ago, and I let slip that my neck is sensitive, and he took advantage of it while we were going at it.”

Jenna smirks, now, and reaches up to run her fingers through the hair on top of Tyler’s head. “Describe him to me.”

She’s teasing him, and she knows that he knows. His cheeks burn red and his arms find their way around her waist as he hugs her, face hidden in her shoulder.

“C’mon, Tyler. Make this _real_ for me. I haven’t seen you in _months._ _”_ She hugs him back, of course, and they wind up twirling around and goofing off until they’re falling onto the bed, giggling.

“Do you really want to hear about the hottie that I slept with?”

She nods. They’re lying on their backs next to each other, and shes looking at him, waiting for him to hop to.

“He’s muscular, but he’s not ripped, and he has an impeccable ass.” Tyler holds his hands up, and the way he motions them is the way someone would when talking about a fine ass. “It’s the kind of ass I’d love to grab all the time. He’s also very hairy. Not so much in the chest region, but his legs and his, like, downstairs business felt like walking through a forest.”

Jenna giggles at the imagery. “I didn’t think hairy men would be your type.”

“Me neither.”

“What color are his eyes?”

“Brown. They’re gorgeous. After we, uh, fucked, the light hit his eyes in this way… They looked like gold. I can’t even make this shit up.”

“Does he have any piercings?”

“His left nostril and his ears.”

“How about his hair?” Jenna’s tone has changed, as realization is dawning upon her.

“It’s dyed.” Tyler knows too.

“What color?”

“Pink.”

“How long?”

“Six or seven inches. Thick, too.”

“I meant how long have you been fucking _Josh._ Not how long his dick is.”

“Since he broke up with Debby the first time.”

*

Josh is in California, and Tyler doesn’t feel bad about texting him as the clock on his bedside table reaches three. It’s twelve there. Josh should still be awake.

*

 **Tyler:** Jenna knows

 **Josh:** about what

 **Tyler:** That thing we do that we don’t talk about

 **Josh:** how did she find out

 **Tyler:** I told her

 **Tyler:** She’s staying at her sister’s house tonight

 **Tyler:** I didn’t think she’d be so upset about it

 **Tyler:** Is it stupid that I miss her

 **Tyler:** I don’t deserve to miss her but I do

 **Josh:** do you need me to call you

 **Tyler:** please

*

Josh is in Debby’s loft, on the floor in her kitchen, with one of her cats curled up in his lap, when Tyler texts him. She’s cooking something—all Josh knows is that it smells good—and he says, “I think it’s kind of funny that as I’m telling you about the affair I’m having with my best friend, he texts me about it.”

She responds to him as he’s typing out a message to Tyler. “What does he have to say?”

“He told Jenna about it.”

Debby can’t hold back a laugh. “Seriously? I figured that would be something he’d take to the grave. He always struck me as a little homophobic.”

“He’s not homophobic,” Josh mumbles. He feels his heart in his throat as Tyler sends a string of texts. “I wish I could just fall in love with some nice guy who _isn_ _’t_ him, or that me and you could work our whole… _thing_ out. He’s the most frustrating person to love.”

“Maybe he told Jenna so he could give whatever it is that the two of you have a shot.” She’s optimistic, for once. Josh appreciates it. “I’m surprised she hasn’t called me yet. She usually goes to me whenever she has troubles with Tyler.”

“Her fiance has been fucking me for the past two years. What makes you think she’d talk to _my_ ex-girlfriend?”

“Ex? I thought TMZ said we were engaged, and that my food baby was actually our unborn lovechild.”

Josh laughs, even if it’s a nervous laugh as he asks Tyler if he needs him to call. “Still. Um. Tyler seems upset. Do you mind if I go to a different room so I can call him…?” He looks up at her, and she shakes her head as she tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear, meaning for him to go ahead.

Josh shoos her cat out of his lap, and gives it a few head scratches before he’s walking towards the door leading to the balcony.

It’s warm out, since it’s the middle of summer in California, even if it’s midnight. Josh taps on the green call button next to Tyler’s name in his phone, and it rings twice before it picks up.

Tyler doesn’t say anything, but Josh can hear him breathing a little funny in the way that he does when he cries.

“Are you okay?”

_“I shook my head.”_

“I thought the two of you had an open relationship,” he tries.

_“One night stands aren’t the same as sleeping with my best friend behind her back. She won’t answer my calls or texts.”_

“Did you two talk? At all?”

_“No. She figured out that it was you, and hung around the house long enough to pack an overnight bag before Ubering to her sister’s house.”_

“Maybe you should just give her a few days, and talk it out. I don’t—I don’t want to come between the two of you, Tyler. What we do—that’s fun and all, and I—I like it, but if it’s going to come between you and Jenna, I don’t want to do it anymore.”

 _“I don’t even know if I like Jenna,”_ Tyler admits. _“I proposed to her after we fucked back in January, because I thought it would make what I feel for you go away, but it didn’t, and I just feel like a fucking jackass, now. I never wanted to hurt her like that.”_

“What do you want me to say?” Josh speaks softly. “I don’t know how to fix this for you.”

_“I don’t want you to fix it for me. I shit in my own bed, and I’m just—I’m trying to figure out how to sleep in it.”_

“I think you should get some sleep, and talk to her about… whatever, tomorrow, or whenever she wants to talk. If _we_ need to talk… We can do that. I can fly out to Columbus tomorrow, or whenever, really.”

*

Tyler’s sad and he does cry a little bit as he and Jenna end their engagement, and come to the agreement that she’s going to move out, and that Tyler’s going to take some time to himself, to do some soul searching and to figure out what his heart really wants.

Tyler knows what he wants.

He knows what he wants as soon as Josh is on his doorstep with his suitcase, but when Josh asks him if they’re boyfriends now, it doesn’t feel right for Tyler to say yes. “I think I need some time before I can do that, Josh. I really care about you, so much more than you think, but I just ended an engagement, and I think—I think I need to be single for awhile before we do anything.”

Josh doesn’t seem upset. “I was kind of expecting that.” He does smile a little sadly. “Want to kick my ass at Smash?”

*

Tyler gets used to being single, and things finally feel like they’re normal again once the new record is out and they’re finally touring again. Of course, though, the moment things start feeling like a little too much happens on Halloween that year, as Josh has his face up close and personal with Tyler’s dick, pretty much, as he’s tattooing his name onto the singer’s thigh, in front of a bunch of screaming concert goers.

He glosses over it, though, and doesn’t acknowledge that his feelings for Josh are back and stronger than ever, even when Josh offers to rub some Vaseline on his new tattoo, since Tyler’s too wiped from the show to do it himself.

*

It’s the day before Christmas the next time Tyler talks to Jenna. She looks good— _healthy_ —and she even laughs when Tyler sheepishly admits, “I need relationship advice.” She doesn’t seem hurt or disapointed like she had the last time they’d spoken face to face.

“I thought you and Josh would’ve gotten together by now,” she admits as she goes through his fridge, pulling out a few things here and there, preparing to pull a culinary Macgyver.

“You’d think. I was kind of… I kind of wanted to try dating a few more guys before I gave it a shot with him, but nothing’s worked out, obviously, and… You heard about the whole… _poll_ thing, right?”

“The thing where the two of you tattooed your names onto each other, on stage, like any two straight men with no feelings for each other would do?”

Tyler laughs, loud and genuinely. “Yeah, that thing. Imagine it—I’m on stage, in front of a bunch of screaming teenagers, with my best friend that I’m arguably in love with inches away from my dick, tattooing his name onto my thigh, when I realize that I’m stupid and that I still love him.”

“Why don’t you ask him out on a date?” She’s going through one of his cabinets now, looking for a mixing bowl.

“What if he doesn’t like me anymore?”

“Then he’ll tell you, and you’ll get over it. Do you know if he’s seeing anyone?”

Tyler shakes his head. “I don’t think so, unless he’s lying about being ‘just friends’ with Debby.”

“He’s not dating Debby.”

“How do you know?! The last time they got back together, he didn’t tell me for, like, two months!” Tyler scoffs, and gives her an incredulous look.

“Because, _I_ _’m_ dating Debby.”

Tyler wants to say that he congratulated her, and that he asked her questions like any good ex-fiance would do, but instead, he winds up crying from laughing so hard, because that was the _last_ thing he expected. “You’re _shitting_ me.”

“I am not shitting you, Tyler. If you can be gay, then so can I.”

“I’m bi,” he corrects her.

“And? So am I.”

*

Tyler skips out on Christmas with his family in favor of showing up at Josh’s house in California to knock on his door in the middle of the night, carrying a bouquet of red roses and a hopeful look on his face. Tyler sees the security camera above the door adjusting a little bit, and he waves at it.

*

 **Josh:** dude i’m in bed why are you here

 **Tyler:** I missed you

 **Josh:** i’m not getting up

 **Tyler:** please

 **Tyler:** I’m cold

 **Josh:** then freeze

 **Tyler:** Where’s your spare key

 **Josh:** behind the camera

 **Tyler:** k

*

“You mean to tell me that you flew here _from Columbus_ on fucking _Christmas,_ bought a dozen roses, and _woke me up_ by setting off my security cameras, just so you could ask me out on a date?”

“Yep.”

“You are so lucky I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> also follow me on tumblr @ creion if u want  
> even if tumblr is crashing and burning


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